I was feeling so existential about parenting recently. I was pushing that rock up that hill to see it fall and push it back up again. No point, no reward. I was feeling exhausted. While I have larger goals for me and the kids, it seemed like the daily feeding, cleaning, refereeing and driving to and fro was all there was.
Rock up the hill.
Rock down the hill.
Rock up the hill.
I know you know.
Then a couple of things happened. Coco woke up on a Sunday morning and asked, “Is this a school day?”
“No, it’s Sunday.”
“I want to go to school today.”
What??? We have had screaming festivals about school and now she likes it. For a few days in a row, the counselor had to call me and tell me that they were worried she would run out of the school and if that was the case, I would have to come get her. Coco is in a DallasISD Montessori magnet school that is highly regarded and hard to get in to. I was terrified she would get kicked out. She likes it! Joy!
We found a school for Charlie. I really believe it this time. It is a Montessori. So many people have warned me against Montessori because they don’t force kids to do things and kids with ADHD need to be coerced because they avoid. I know Charlie avoids things, but maybe with confidence he will grow to try things for their own sake and not for the sticker or whatever carrot is on the stick. The teacher, Sima, seems like the perfect person for a child like Charlie, she gives him space, limits attention of bad behaviors and praises him for his good acts. She happily greets him and says goodbye to him, looking him in the eye and shaking his hand. He happily jumps in the car to go to school and brings home art work that is his proud of everyday. WOW.
So it seems all those rocks are making a hill. Maybe they will make a mountain one day.